Read e-book online 5,000 Great One Liners PDF

By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether informed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly smart, they carry a unique position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the paintings shape, there turns out no greater time to have a good time the immortal one-liner. during this publication, furnish Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever instructed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and an entire lot extra.

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My wife is a self-harmer. She eats her own cooking. I love being schizophrenic. I managed to do a Mexican wave all by myself today. Putting the clocks forward seems like a complete waste of time. Prison walls are never built to scale. Long-distance relationships are like fat people: they very rarely work out. Have you ever found an anagram for the word ‘this’? You don’t want to, it’s shit. Dear Agony Aunt, My girlfriend says that I never solve my own problems. How do I prove her wrong? ’ ‘That type of language won’t get you anywhere,’ the driver said.

No weirdos please. I can’t believe no one has come up with a cure for anorexia yet. Surely it must be a piece of cake. ’ So does having lungs. I just want to congratulate the Viagra pharmaceutical company for selling over 1 million tablets last month. Keep it up, lads! My parents have gone to India with some friends. Mumbai? No, she’s straight, but I don’t think it’s that kind of trip anyway. I’ve been voted employee of the month for the last fifteen months. Being self-employed has its advantages.

I do hope that this book gives you the same entertainment and moments of laugh-out-loud hilarity that it gave me when writing it. Grant Tucker London, August 2012 THE JOKES I just bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He asked for strong lager, but I don’t want to encourage him. ’ There’s a new contraceptive pill for men. Put it in your shoe and it makes you limp. A teacher at the school for obese children has been sacked for taking cocaine. He was given away by his massive pupils. My wife’s leaving me for two reasons: 1.

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

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